Fruit offerings from India and Nepal
India, Nepal and some associated areas celebrate their holiest festivals with slaughter. But there is good news I quote, as some Durga Puja committees no longer offer Patha Bali on Maha Ashtami, although worship of Durga requires Bali to be included in the puja to respect Durga’s Shakti. I didn’t make any of this up, nor do I “stumble” or mistranslate anciently warhammer lore. It means fewer animals dying to unnecessarily invoke the penis envy of religious morons (according to this Freud.wiki I just found), and it’s a start.
Durga Puja is a 10-day Hindu festival celebrating the mother goddess and protector Durga, who uses her Shakti (power) to kick the ass of the buffalo demon Mahishasura, who was an asshole to lower, crouching gods.
Or, to put it in terms not based on ancient Hindu cosmology, here is a Gold eye Multiplayer analogy: Mahishasura is that friend who chooses Oddjob, and Durga is the equivalent of punching him in the arm or tail until he switches to Valentin. Just Klobbs, brother.
And so the Hindus celebrate every year The Metamorphosis of Valentine through Durga Puja, a festival that encompasses all the hallmarks and, dare I say, celebrations of a festival. Including ritual animal murders. But some celebrants switch from sacrificing animals to Sacrifices of pumpkins, cucumbers, sugar cane, etc.
Similar substitutions abound in Nepal dashain, a 15-day festival and Nepal’s most revered holiday. It’s Christmas, Mardi Gras and Honda-Thon, all curled up in a delightfully cathartic explosion of color and smell. Only one thing is not so glorious: Dashain’s animal sacrifices, which provide the sacred meat, PrasadThat’s part of every celebration. Equivalent to the chimney-blackened doves delivering blessed meat for western worships of Our Lord, Mr. Peanut, during the Cheesecake Factory’s “Pasta-Palooza” Holy Week or Yankee Candle’s “5% Off Discontinued Fragrances” Holy Month.